The Power of “We”

Redefining the American Dream of Success

Envision success, and what appears in your mind?

Everyone has their version, but a quick Google image search suggests it’s leaping in the air, standing on a mountain peak, or breaking the tape crossing the finish line. Fists pumping, trophy in hand. What an achievement. Hoorah!

The message in almost all those images? There’s one winner. If you want to succeed in a footrace, you can’t slow down. Ignore the oak trees shading your path; tune out the people cheering; don’t even think of taking a break to rest. The only thing to focus on is being first to the finish line. It’s not even run as fast as you can. It’s only about winning.

But think about the real photos you keep and share. Almost all include someone else in the picture. There’s you on a sunny day, laughing with your arm slung over your best friend’s shoulder. That relaxing day splashing in the surf with your kids. Everybody’s smiling—even the dog.

Why then do we envision the road to success as a solitary, joyless path? Maybe we haven’t crafted our definition of success very well.

We’re used to thinking of success as an endpoint—a reward for long periods of sacrifice. But this view of success says nothing about the experiences we have along the way, or the other people who join us on that journey.

What if we reimagine the race and undertake it with others we care about—people who’ll push us to go even faster and farther? In short, with people who’ll push us to be our best and enjoy the journey along the way.

We can. It’s as simple as redefining success from a vision focused on “I” to one focused on “we.”

The traditional view

The classic view of success—the one we grew up working to achieve, the one reinforced by all the people we looked up to—preaches, “Work hard enough and long enough, and one day you will be acknowledged and rewarded for your achievement.”

The implication is that you must be the first person in the office every morning and the last one to leave every night. Moreover, it emphasizes taking as much credit as possible. Giving credit to anyone else shows weakness. There is no second place—you must beat everyone else to the finish line.

The implicit promise is that if you pour yourself into your work, you’ll eventually earn a trophy—the title, the money, the satisfaction of victory. Win enough races and you may end up with a whole roomful of trophies—and then you’ll wake up one day living the life you’ve always dreamed of. After decades of deferred gratification, you’ll finally be happy.

Maybe that sounds like a great deal—or once did.

A distorted view

The problem with that view is that it simply isn’t accurate. Nobody reaches the finish line all alone. And even if you could, it wouldn’t live up to the hype.

The truth, whether we acknowledge it or not, is that none of our accomplishments would be possible without the contributions of others.

Even a star Formula 1 driver can’t do so much as shift into first gear without a dedicated team around them. The driver’s skill is in driving, while others focus on tightening the lugnuts, keeping the fuel tank full, and so on. And when the driver wins the race, the whole team wins.

Compare this with the traditional distorted view of success. In this view, you run the race alone. For the many who have followed this path, the success has come at a high cost. It requires sacrifices every step of the way, including the sacrifices imposed on people close to you—partners, kids, friends.

Not surprisingly, many high achievers in business are low achievers in life. Even as they win the game of business, they lose their most important relationships. Their marriages fall apart, and they fail to maintain friendships outside their work. A 2013 study reflects this: The State of Friendship in America Report found that only one quarter of Americans have satisfying friendships.

Those psychological costs take a toll. The ultimate price of achievement may be your health itself. One 2015 study found that people who perceive themselves as socially isolated— whether they actually are or not—may produce fewer disease-fighting white blood cells than people who perceive themselves as socially connected.

All in all, this doesn’t paint an attractive picture of the traditional view of victory. But there’s another way to envision success. It’s simply a matter of shifting focus.

Refocusing on “we”

Shifting the focus from “I” to “we” transforms success from a solitary moment at the finish line to a shared journey—one that doesn’t demand sacrificing your most meaningful relationships.

Focusing on “we” brings out your best qualities, too—because others’ enthusiasm and insights will push you toward your full potential. Moreover, a focus on “we” harnesses the power of the entire team in service of a shared vision—which increases everyone’s chances of winning the race.

The power of “we”

“We-focused” leadership doesn’t begin with a vision of oneself standing alone at the finish line. It begins with a mutual yearning for adventure.

This is true of any team effort, from the path of a football team toward the championship, to the race to put a man on the moon, to the epic sea voyages of yesteryear. The success of any enterprise relies upon skills and expertise of all stakeholders, working in coordination toward a common goal.

Shifting the focus to “we” produces two critical results. First, this view creates a shared vision of an inspiring mission. Second, that unity of purpose fills each person on your team with a sense of ownership that motivates them to give their best. Translation: the loop reinforces itself.

Redefining success

Whatever project you are working on now—stop. Take a minute. Ask yourself whether everyone around you feels aligned with the mission and how you are invested in their success. Whether you notice it or not, the journey has already begun, right under everyone’s feet.

Redefining success in terms of “we” not only elevates those around you but also pushes you, in turn, to realize your fullest potential.  The result:  you’re propelled faster and farther than you could have gone alone.

And when you reach the finish line, you’ll look back and know this: all the moments along the way felt just as fulfilling as the final victory. Those are the pictures you want to keep.

AuthorPhoto_RuggerBurke

Follow Rugger Burke on Twitter at @Powerof10

Rugger Burke is the author of “The Power of 10: A Practice of Engaging Your Voice of Wisdom” releasing Oct. 6, 2015 by Mill City Press.

Burke lives in Dallas where he works for a private investment firm. Along with pursuing his life’s goal of learning to play a Halo handpan, he is an avid traveler, having visited six continents and motorcycled across four – still searching for the best chocolate chip cookie. He shares his home with a border collie, Peaches aka Superdog. For more information, visit ThePowerOf10.com.